“Shitty Online Job Applications: What’s up with That?”

So I’m fresh out of college, unemployed, and looking for jobs.

One thing that really annoys me is when an online job application wants me to upload my resume so the system can “extract the relevant values” and “pre-populate the given fields.”

Basically, a computer is going to read my resume really fast; pick out what it thinks
are the job titles, the names of the companies, the dates I worked at those companies, and the job details; and then put all that information into the application!

In theory, this sounds great! A computer’s doing all the job application work for me. Bless. Up. In reality, as those of you who have gone through this experience will know, the software is kind of shitty.

To date, there hasn’t been a single time where I’ve uploaded a resume and not had to fix things afterward. Every single time, I’ve had to delete wrong pre-populated fields (“No, Entrepreneurship Hub was the place where I worked, not my job title”) and then type in the right part. I’m doing TWICE the amount of work I need to for this application, all because of the shitty software!

I’m just imagining myself talking to the recruiters, being like, “Yo, have you tried this application process yourself? Do you really want people to apply to your company? Because you’re making it hella difficult.”



Why do companies treat job applicants like shit these days? There have been times
where I’ve applied for a summer internship in January, and I get the rejection email in November. Gee, thanks! I didn’t realize I had already been rejected.

I also hate it when the company doesn’t send a confirmation email. It’s the email that goes like, “Thank you submitting your application and your interest in our company. We will review your application and get back to you if there is a good match.” Yes, it’s a generic email, but it makes me trust the online application and feel better about my work. I didn’t tailor my resume and type up that cover letter for nothing.



People are trying crazy shit these days just to get noticed! People have NO trust in a company’s ability to screen lots of resumes.

There are articles online about mailing in a physical copy of your application since everyone is applying online. There are articles about sending in recommendation letters with your application. There are articles about doing a small project for the company up front and sending in the work just to get their attention. It’s this never-ending treadmill of one-upmanship, and no company is telling applicants to stop. Why would they? Job applicants are doing work for them for no pay! It’s free labor!



To anyone who wants to be a recruiter in the future, if you get the job, congratulations, and please, PLEASE test out your company’s job application process yourself. If it’s annoying to you, it’s probably annoying to a lot of real-life applicants. Please be the real MVP and make all of our unemployed lives a little easier. Thank you, good night!

No More Imaginary Conversations

Sometimes I’ll have imaginary conversations in my head with other people. Maybe it’s me giving critique on their work, maybe it’s me imagining a conversation with them, maybe it’s me imagining what we’d laugh about if we were dating.

All of it’s pointless. It’s daydreaming. It’s something that passes the time, but that’s it. There’s no point in thinking about conversations that will never happen. The people you’re “talking” to don’t even know about you. You’re nobody! Be nobody! Be somebody who doesn’t even imagine conversations, who just sits down and works on his craft. Only prepare for a conversation if you know it’s going to happen really soon. Otherwise, you’re wasting your time.

One day, you’re going to die, and if someone makes a graph of how you spent your time, the time you spend in imaginary conversations should be 0 from this point on.




Learning Photography 001: Starting Somewhere

I’m starting photography with a vague memory of the rule of thirds and a desire to get better at photography. My goal is to get good enough at photography to get paid.


Before reading more about photography technique,

I want to write down what I already know about the field. I know the name of the rule of thirds concept; I’ve used black paper in the background for architecture model photos; and I’ve used a photography light before (also for photographing models).

I don’t want to be too predictable with photography.

When taking a photo, the first step for me is to get all the predictable photos out of the way. This means taking roughly ten photos of the subject from different angles, zoom levels, and both orientations. The goal for me is to take a photo that no one has produced before. This means producing all the ordinary work first.

For example, today I looked at a grill on the backyard patio and ran through ideas for an interesting picture featuring the grill in my mind. My first instinct was to take a photo of the grill straight on, from the side, and then from the top, as if I were taking photos for a product advertisement agency.


After that, 

I could tilt the grill horizontally and vertically, to really cover all 360 degrees of the grill.

I could experiment with different degrees of zoom. I could zoom in on the dials, the handles, and the rust.

I could take a look at the grill’s distinctive features. There are a few moments of asymmetry in the otherwise symmetric grill. There are only wheels on one side of the grill. I could have the grill rear up on its hind wheels, like a metallic pony.


What else do I see?

The cord on the side of the grill that connects to the propane tank looks like it could also connect to a stethoscope. I could have someone pose as a doctor and listen to the heart (propane tank) of a sick grill.

I could give the grill wings.

I could Photoshop a bear onto the grill: a bear grill for Bear Grylls.

I could …



Book Review: Insane City

“OK … Just so I have this straight, for my own personal understanding. You came to a strip club with a woman who is not your fiancée, and a gorilla on your wedding day.”

Insane City is the perfect title for this book. Everything is so ludicrous that every reader, at some point, has to ask, am I really reading fiction?

The book starts with a groom, who in two days will be married to an extremely beautiful, rich, successful lawyer with equally rich, successful (and disapproving) parents. All the groom has to is be at the wedding and bring the ring. Simple enough, but not in Miami. The protagonist soon finds himself aiding a Haitian refugee and her two children, running from hired guns, driving in an Escalade that only plays porn and sex songs, dealing with an aggressive orangutan, accidentally committing robberies, and more – again, all in the span of two days.

Throughout the story, Dave Barry sprinkles dark humor. For example, “If he fucks up this wedding … She will remove his balls with barbeque tongs. Kevin and Big Steve nodded, knowing this was hyperbole, but only mild hyperbole.”

Barry’s jokes and his whimsical characters make the ridiculous plot a little more bearable.